poniedziałek, 3 października 2011

Empty closet

Time left to moving out: 1 week

Feeling the pressure looking at the calendar, I finally started packing. Since parents haven't come back yet, I don't actually have big suitcases to pack my stuff. Just few smaller bags and my 55-liter travel mate I was carring on my back one year ago on my way to Istanbul. Looking at the backpack I smile to myself with sentiment. Ok... memories later. Now the duty. 

I feel a little bit lost looking inside my two huge closets full of cloths. How the hell am I suppose to pack all of it? How much space is it gonna take... Lenghy look at the list i made one day before... ok, let's do it! I'm throwing everything out from the closet and few minutes later, on my knees, I'm folding every single piece of cloth into a nice neat dice. Carefully I put them on successively accumulating piles. Sweaters, blouses, jeans, dresses... belts, shoes, handbags. Holly crap, there's a lot of it! I'm not so sure anymore if two suitcases will fit this all. Is it all? What if I forgot about something... I start scanning the whole house in my thoughts. 

The closet is empty. There are only few evening dresses and summer blouses left hanging. And the sentiment is back again. I look through the window at polish Indian Summer. Am I really gonna leave it all in few days? Closer to day zero, harder to imagine that. At the beginning it was just a joyful vision of me and Maurice living together. Done with separations. But to be honest, separations never ends. Now I'm still gonna be missing... my home, my family, my friends. Luckly I'm gonna have there Maurice to cheer me in bad moments. 

Sentiment goes to nostalgia. I didn't even move yet and I already start missing. Empty closet gives me crush in the throat. I can already see my mom, when she's gonna see this. This part is most difficult for me. Since my car accident few years ago I was trying not to give her (at least not consciously) any real reasons for sadness. Now when I think about that, i feel tears coming to my eyes. 

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