Ordinary tea and wrong coffee... other words: what to drink when in Holland

Dutch people love coffee. They are the biggest coffee-drinkers in the world just after the Scandinavians. If a coffee machine in is broken, the whole office starts to panic and everything falls into chaos. Sometimes a pilgrimage to another floor in the office building is needed ;) And of course if they have their coffee, it’s a simple, black one. No extras, weird additions, decorations or other frills. Very Dutch and pragmatic. A drink should be practical. That’s all. Same story with tea. Also black.

Sounds boring, isn’t it? Terrible… Makes me not wanna ask my Dutch guests if they would like something to drink, cause I’m too afraid to hear this depressingly boring order in answer. But there is one small, tiny detail that always makes me smile. The names. The Dutch like to give their own names and they also do it very clearly. That’s way black tea is called gewone thee (which doesn’t surprise me that much, in Poland we do the same) and coffee with milk is… koffie verkeerd. Wrong coffee. 

Wrong coffee or you want it like that on purpose? 

I can imagine how many, many years ago one Dutch saw another, pouring some milk in his own coffee and he screamed: “What the hell are you doing?! That’s not the way to drink coffee. That’s just wrong!”. And so it stayed. So that now any latte-drinker has to feel ashamed and like a weirdo, every time he orders his “wrong coffee”. He wants milk in his coffee? So shameful ;)

Speaking of ordering beverages. The first time you look at a menu in this country might be a bit confusing. What’s the difference between sinaasappelsap and jus d’orange? They both mean “orange juice” so why the prices are different? It’s actually very simple: jus d’orange is a freshly squeezed juice, while the other one is from a bottle. But why to make it more difficult than needed? Is there not “freshly squeezed” term in Dutch language? Of course there is… vers geperst. But there’s a funny thing about these Dutchies. Even if there is a perfectly correct word in Dutch to name a thing, the Dutch would use French language if they wanna make it sound more fancy. After all “freshly squeezed” sounds so ordinary and stoep so common. Wouldn’t it be nice to say trottoir? You can hear the nicety… even if we’re still talking about a simple sidewalk ;) 

Let’s leave the juice. What I really struggles at the beginning with was water. I mean… why can’t they just call it “water” in a menu? Or maybe universal “aqua”? No, instead of this, you’ll find spa. Seriously? Are we going to drink or relax in a pool? Ok, ok… it’s fine. That wasn’t that difficult. But what if a waitress asks you if you want spa rood? What? I don’t wanna red water. Nor blue. Thank God our good friend always drinks sparkling water and I’ve noticed that the label is always red. So spa blauw must be still water… Ahh why?? Why can’t you call it like the whole rest of the world? Go to hell with these colors ;P